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I used to sketch a lot when I was younger. School days mostly. My first story book was made of handwritten pages torn out of old notebooks and hand-illustrated sketches with pages stapled in the middle. It had stories about magic potion and bullied ugly girls because I thought I was one apparently. I was 7years old pale girl and I was skinnier than a dying old man.

A lot of things happened and I never really stopped sketching but I got more into study books and I thought I would either end up becoming a crime investigator officer or a UFO researcher or an ethical hacker. The nerd in me died a bit after I joined college and its now buried under fashion magazines. Long gone, I finally bought new sketchbooks and new pens and I am gonna scribble down everything and anything.

This is summertime madness, my ugly new sketch and I currently struggle to put on a tee when I stay alone because summer is 46 degrees in Delhi.

summertime madness2

 

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Today, I feel closer to my life. Living is not easy because everything is short-lived and everything becomes precious when it is short-lived. Having thought about it, past was bleak, future looks bleak and the present doesn’t exist. While I am stuck in between several parallel timelines, I cannot ignore everything and be the escapist I always have been. Running away is not the solution. Facing it would mean the end of everything. It would be a lie if I were to say I am alright. It would be a lie if I were to say I am miserable. Truth is confusing and I cannot agree with it. The connection between my head and my heart is in chaos and my body is trying to live with it. The battle is unnecessary. The words are unnecessary. Yet these words are probably the only thing I have today.

Beyond these words, hope waits for me. Another life in another time and I’ll have to leave behind everything. I have come so far and I have to go even further. I am learning. I am forcing. I am learning to force myself. Happiness has a price today. The price is to lose everything. Is everything worth risking for? Maybe that is what worth the life is. Priceless.

 All because I want to be an awesome old grannyImage

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